Seven things you should never say to a sports gambler

PLEASE READ FOR AN IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT! Well, not an Amber Alert or something actually meaningful, but you get what I’m going for.

Most of my writing is about picking games, but every once in a while I get hit with a moment of creativity or confront a meaningful issue about sports gambling and take the time to write about it. With legalization rapidly occurring all over the country, everyone will be faced with new challenges and questions relating to betting, and I am here to help guide you along as an experienced gambler myself.

So what kind of insight am I providing today? Am I giving advice on which book to pick will fit your gambling needs or how to learn the basics for newcomers? Nope, not even close. You can find that stuff everywhere - including here on Dimers where they have thoroughly reviewed all of the sportsbooks without my help.

If you are seeking to join one of the many legal online sportsbooks that are absolutely desperate for your business, you can claim the best Welcome Offer available to you by tapping on your state here: PA  NJ  IN  CO  IL

Today, I’m here for the non-gamblers who don’t even know they need a lesson (I’m only partially sorry for how patronizing that sounds). The people who heard sports gambling was legalized and thought “who cares, I’d rather watch paint dry than wager on sports.”. They thought that they could just ignore it, but they were wrong. Because, as sports gambling grows, everyone will have a friend or relative who throws money down regularly, and they need to learn how to interact with those people. Specifically, they need to understand what not to say to the sports gambler in their life who may be having a bad day. And trust me, there are bad days...

Every bettor has been there. You’re wallowing in pain after a terrible bet that was doomed from the beginning, questioning everything you know about sports and gambling. You could be a seasoned gambler who had a “great bet” that turned out completely wrong, or a sports fan just getting their feet wet and learning the lows of losing.

It’s a sad place to be, and anyone who lives this lifestyle has felt that pain, regardless of whether you’re a casual gambler or a veteran. And at that moment, at rock bottom, you think that there is no way in hell it could get worse. You’ve lost your money and your pride, and all there is to do it and move on. But then, out of nowhere, comes the final nail in the coffin.

You had invited your buddy over to have a few beers and watch the game because you didn’t want to drink alone, even though he can only name 5 NFL teams. Or you’re watching a weeknight matchup with your significant other, who is complaining that MACtion football is on instead of another round of Friends reruns (this is a consistent scenario for me, and it blows my mind how much people enjoy re-watching that mediocre show).

Win $1,000 cash with our free-to-play contests

And, for some unknown reason, they say something like “well why did you bet on Buffalo, that was dumb.” The last threads holding your emotions together snap like Bo Jackson’s baseball bat, and everything falls apart. You walk away to pretend you’re using the bathroom while you cry silently on the toilet. Or you yell, spittle dribbling out your mouth, about how now is not a good time to be rubbing your face in the dirt since you’re going to have to eat saltines at every meal for a week after you just blew your grocery money. Or you just sit there, sad, because you have enough self control to keep it together or you recognize that, in the long run, it's just a lost bet.

I am here to say that I understand, that I have been there (if you couldn’t tell already), and that I want to help. A lot of the time, it's not even that person’s fault. They may not realize what they’re saying is insulting and humiliating to your already fragile ego. They may not recognize how deep down the rabbit hole of losing you’ve gotten (I joke, but gamble responsibly, seriously).

Sure, that person needs to learn to read the room and keep their thoughts to themselves, but most individuals can’t relate to the mind of a sports gambler. We just need to teach them what things are better left unsaid, and why those things are hurtful (yes, this is very much like teaching a kindergartner why they shouldn’t make fun of Jimmy for his ginger hair).

🤑 Sportsbook Offers and Promo Codes

The best way for your friend to learn would be for them to experience the pain first hand. Nothing can replicate the feeling of missing on a backdoor cover with a meaningless 3-pointer to blow the spread. But most people are sensible and responsible, and avoid sports gambling because its not a “healthy” habit (thanks mom, I know things would be better if I saved my money in a savings account in stead of blowing it on my book. Maybe you should have raised me better).

The next best thing, which I am giving to all of you, is a little cheat sheet that will provide these people an idea of what things to avoid when you inevitably take a hard loss on your weekend picks. How you want to disseminate that information is up to you. You could make a little pamphlet to hand out, laminate and put it on the wall by your TV as a notice, or just email it to everyone you know as a preemptive learning tool. That part is up to you (I’m not here to do all the work for you, bud). But these are some things that should be avoided to keep a degenerate gambler sane and to stop them from ending up ugly-crying in a corner.

---

Questions that infuriate every sports bettor!

⛏️ “Why did you bet on that team”/“You should have bet on the other team.”

I primed this one already, but it might be the most obvious and egregious. Unfortunately, its also one of the most common. You pick a team who loses by 30, and you feel like a complete fool. But Steve just has to point out that it would have been a better idea to take the winning team. NO FUCKING SHIT, STEVE! Do you think I wanted to lose this bet? No. If I knew Baker Mayfield was going to throw 5 picks I wouldn’t have taken the Browns -4. Hindsight is 20/20, but foresight isn’t. Please, if you care at all about your gambler friend, do not say this to them after a loss.

⛏️ “How much money are you up/down?”

This one actually can be painful after a win or a loss. It's really fucked up to say after you lose money, but even in a win it’s a really annoying way to bring you back down to earth. Why? Well, as sad as it is to say, the answer is very rarely “I’m up X on my lifetime bets.” You want to know the reason I don’t gamble on sports for a living, and why casinos make a lot of money? The answer is, gamblers lose.

How-to-guide: 5 Steps to start online betting

Thinking about the money you’ve lost is like being told stories about what you did blackout drunk – part of you wants to know, but most of the time you’re just better off pretending it never happened. Sure, you might hit it big on a night at the roulette table, or even walk away from your book with a huge payout from a wild parlay win. Most of the time, though, you come out around even or slightly below. Gambling on sports is a form of entertainment, and asking someone how they’ve done on their life is just a reminder for most of us that we could have had a new car or a lifetime supply of beer in stead (my priorities aren’t great, leave me alone).

⛏️ “Why are you even betting on this game, I’ve never heard of these teams.”

Because some anonymous twitter account told me that the starting point guard for Fairfield just got dumped and he isn’t sleeping well. Or because there was nothing else on and I wanted a reason to watch. Don’t ask unless you want to know how low I’m willing to go. And I’ve bet on women’s college volleyball before...

⛏️ “I can’t believe I trusted you”

This one is based on the all too common scenario where you’re picking a game and your friend says they want to put some money down too. You give them a pick that you like, and it ends up losing. Then, they turn around and act like you wasted their money, and there is even a tinge of a suggestion that you owe them for it. No, I do not owe you your money back Gary. This one is particularly applicable to me because I make picks publically, and have friends who follow my lead sometimes. I know a lot, and I can do my best to use the information in front of me to make good picks. But I get shit wrong. ALL. THE. TIME. I’ve learned to avoid statements like “this is a lock” or “there is no way they don’t cover,” but I still can feel the disappointment every time it happens.

If you enjoy this type of content, join our email list

You know who else is disappointed that the pick lost? Me. I lost my money too. Get out of here with your shame, and your insinuation that I owe you an apology. I apologize to nobody! (except my fiancé, sometimes you just need to tuck your tail between your legs for a healthy relationship) The best way to avoid this issue is to not solicit your picks (in that regard, I’ve earned some anger. I hold myself out as someone who knows what they’re talking about, so I understand when it happens). But if you don’t want to lose, maybe just don’t bet. Trust me, fade me, choose based on how many grammatical mistakes or bad jokes I make on a given day. But please don’t make me feel bad about your losses too.

⛏️ “Why do you even gamble if you lose so often?”

Because I’m a broken person who makes terrible life decisions. Leave me alone.

⛏️ “But your team won, why are you mad?”

The best advice I can give here is that, if you spend a lot of time with a gambler, learn how a spread works. It's really simple. If you passed second grade math, you can handle it, I promise. Nobody expects you to understand building an 8-point teaser, but you can learn how to subtract a number and see whether a team covered. Even if you don’t want to gamble yourself, gain some knowledge and get acclimated to the world of sports betting.

⛏️ “Don’t be upset, you only lost X”

The value doesn’t even matter. I’ve bet 5 bucks on a game just to have a reason to watch, and still been mad that I lost. Dropping less money can help limit the pain, but being wrong is never fun. When you miss, it’s a blow to the ego and it hurts, even when its just a friendly wager with somebody you know. I don’t like losing, and I never will. Don’t tell me it's ok.

---

I could go on and on, but those should cover your bases. I’ve heard them all multiple times, and we would all be better off if it stopped (just like it would be better if your drunk uncle stopped talking about the pretty college girl that works at his local convenience store). I aspire to educate the masses, and to help all of the unsuspecting girlfriends/boyfriends/friends/drinking buddies who live in legalized gambling states that haven’t learned these lessons. We are all embarking on this journey into the new landscape of American sports gambling together, and we should all take a little time to become acquainted with the ins and outs of it. So please, think before you speak. Grab you and your friend a beer in stead, and commiserate with them silently for a few minutes. Everyone will be better off for it.

Now, if you’re ready to put your big-boy pants on and join one of the many new online sportsbooks that are absolutely desperate for your business, you can claim the best Welcome Offer available to you by tapping on your state here: PA  NJ  IN  CO  IL